This morning at my leadership group, we did an exercise and it really got to me. I’ve already felt depressed the last couple of days and wasn’t quite for sure what it was all about. I didn’t know if it was the weather, since it’s been very rainy and gloomy, or if it’s just crap rambling around in my head. They read about the wedding in Cana where Jesus turned the water to wine. There was some interesting stuff there that I hadn’t noticed before. But when it comes down to it, it’s all about faith. This is where I guess I really got some insight on what’s been going on inside me. For a while now, I’ve been thinking of looking for jobs in other states, then I would think I was crazy and just stop doing that. About 2 days ago, my husband came in from walking the dog and said “I think you need to start looking for work in other states. We have no ties here except for our kids, but we don’t have a home to sell, and no debt, so I think it would be good.” DANG!!! He totally confirmed how I was feeling. Well, I think that’s where my depression is coming in. I’m afraid to leave my children and my granddaughter. I know life won’t end, but it’ll be so freakin’ hard to leave. Holding that little angel just makes my heart soar, and to leave her will crush me deeply. My daughter and I have been building a great and solid relationship, and the one I worry the most about is my son. He’s been “lost” and just doesn’t know what to do with his life. As far as leaving my dad and the rest of my family, I’m totally alright with that. Especially since a couple of them are my abusers. No ties or hard feelings about leaving them. I just pray that I’m moving in the right direction and doing God’s will, and that he is my comforter during this process. I’m a 40-year-old woman who is so confused about what is being thrown in my direction, and scared to see where we’ll end up.
Gotta run, have things to do and need to get ready to take my husband to school. Have a great day and just pray my soul will be at ease with what I’m to do.
Encouraging Word
Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me.
~ Psalm 103:2, NLT
