This morning at my leadership group, we did an exercise and it really got to me.  I’ve already felt depressed the last couple of days and wasn’t quite for sure what it was all about.  I didn’t know if it was the weather, since it’s been very rainy and gloomy, or if it’s just crap rambling around in my head.  They read about the wedding in Cana where Jesus turned the water to wine.  There was some interesting stuff there that I hadn’t noticed before.  But when it comes down to it, it’s all about faith.  This is where I guess I really got some insight on what’s been going on inside me.  For a while now, I’ve been thinking of looking for jobs in other states, then I would think I was crazy and just stop doing that.  About 2 days ago, my husband came in from walking the dog and said “I think you need to start looking for work in other states.  We have no ties here except for our kids, but we don’t have a home to sell, and no debt, so I think it would be good.”  DANG!!!  He totally confirmed how I was feeling.  Well, I think that’s where my depression is coming in.  I’m afraid to leave my children and my granddaughter.  I know life won’t end, but it’ll be so freakin’ hard to leave.  Holding that little angel just makes my heart soar, and to leave her will crush me deeply.  My daughter and I have been building a great and solid relationship, and the one I worry the most about is my son.  He’s been “lost” and just doesn’t know what to do with his life.  As far as leaving my dad and the rest of my family, I’m totally alright with that.  Especially since a couple of them are my abusers.  No ties or hard feelings about leaving them.  I just pray that I’m moving in the right direction and doing God’s will, and that he is my comforter during this process.  I’m a 40-year-old woman who is so confused about what is being thrown in my direction, and scared to see where we’ll end up.

Gotta run, have things to do and need to get ready to take my husband to school.  Have a great day and just pray my soul will be at ease with what I’m to do.

Encouraging Word

Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me.

~ Psalm 103:2, NLT

My daughter gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named Isabelle Marie, on September 17th.  They went ahead and induced her since she couldn’t get comfortable with her back and all.  She literally couldn’t sleep, sit, walk, stand, etc.  So Izzy was born 6 days early.   She’s an early birthday present for me.  LOL.  I’ve got to spend a lot of time with her and as a matter of fact, I will have her tomorrow so her mommy can get some sleep.  The kind of sleep she needs.  It’ll be a good time.

Anyway, not too much more to say, so here’s a picture of my sweet baby granddaughter.

Izzy laying on grandma.

Well let’s see, where do I start.  I did my treatment on Friday evening and it was a bit rough on me.  I guess I tossed and turned all night long and kept my husband up all night with my convulsions.  I hate it that he has to endure that from me.  But then again he always says that he hates to see me go through what I do. 

Saturday morning I was asked by someone if I had dyed my hair?  I said nope, I got it cut a week or so ago, maybe that’s why it looks different.  She said, no it looks darker.  Brian chimed in and said, she’s just extra pale from her treatment last night.  We all laughed and said, well, that must be why!!!  LOL  It was funny. 

Sunday I had Amanda’s baby shower.  It was a great turnout and she got a lot of great things.  I think she’s set for a while.  I blew up 3 of the pictures that I liked the best for Amanda’s shower and everyone loved them and commented on how cute they are together.

During the past week, we took belly shots of Amanda and Brandon and I’ll share those here in this post.  Then on Tuesday I had an interview for an Administrative Assistant with the Kansas City Free Health Clinic.  I’m really praying that this is the job for me.  It will be a great resource for the outreach my husband and I are going to be launching on September 12th.  It’s called H.O.P.E., and it stands for Homeless Outreach & Prostitutes Embraced.  If you want to check it out, go to: http://h.o.p.e.angelfire.com. 

Encouraging Word

O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.

~ Psalm 62:8, NLT

Today I went with my daughter for a 3D sonogram to see the baby.  I’m just amazed how the technology is today.  The detail alone was just amazing.  Not too much to say today, I’m just still in awe.

Still looking for a job.  Haven’t heard anything from the Drs. office that I had the interviewed with.  But just praying something comes along.

Here’s Isabelle’s 3D pictures so you can see what she looks like in the womb.  Pretty cool.

This has been busy and crazy these last few days.  Brian and I are counseling 2 more couples in their marriages and that alone takes a lot of time and energy.  We love to do it though.

I had my interview this morning at the Urology office and I think it went quite well.  I was told that I am one of the top candidates for the position.  She was thrilled about my office experiences, and that I worked for a Doctors office before, plus I’m only about 10 minutes away from the office, and that I don’t have small children to take away from they busy schedule that they have at the office.  So, just pray that this is the job I am supposed to have.

I’m working on Amanda’s baby shower.  We’re going to have it on August 30th.  She isn’t due until September 23rd, but I really wanted to have it quite a bit before the baby get’s here.

Anyway, I’m going to go to bed.  See everyone later.

Encouraging Word

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.

~ Proverbs 15:1, NLT

Why is it that there always has to be a few that have to ruin things for others?  For instance, last night I went to bed probably around 10:30 pm or so.  I could still hear people out by the pool.  They are supposed to be out of there by 10 pm.  This morning after I got home from group, I took the dog out on his little walk we do, and all the chairs and a couple of the loungers are in the pool.  I was so irritated by this.  It just ruins things for everyone around here.  I wound up calling the office before they opened and let them know what I saw.  I left the message anonymously.  But here lately, we’ve been hearing a lot going on out by the pool.  I guess they are just going to have to lock it up at 10 pm and reopen it at 10 am everyday.  It sucks that they would have to do that, but maybe people would learn.  Maybe not, but you never know.

Anyway, that’s just my vent for today.  It just really irritated me.  Have a great rest of the day.  I think I’m going to go watch my son play softball tonight.  Maybe I can talk to Melissa to see what’s going on with the job too.  That would be nice to know if they are really going to hire or not.

Encouraging Word

This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.

~ Psalm 118:24, NLT

Well, I still haven’t heard anything from Melissa’s office.  I’m sure it’ll be a couple days, but I would really like to get in there and at least have an interview.  It would be nice to hear from someone that I’ve put resumes into.  Brian’s unemployment still isn’t coming in, it still says pending information.  It’s been 5 weeks.  I know it can take longer, but I’m wondering if Comet is being jerks and not sending in the information that Missouri is wanting.  That wouldn’t surprise me at all.

Well, Amanda is doing very well with her pregnancy.  She’s now at 29 weeks and getting big.  I’ll put a picture of her on here.  We know for sure that the baby’s name will be Isabelle Marie.  I just hope that Amanda and Brandon get married.  They really are cute together and you can really see that they love each other and the baby very much. 

Anyway, have things to do, talk to y’all later.

Encouraging Word

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

~ Psalm 19:14, NLT

Hopefully this week will be better.  Today is a totally freakin awesome day.  I got on facebook the other night and thought about looking up old friends from school.  I found an old girlfriend of mine that I haven’t seen or talked to in probably 25 years.  We just exchanged numbers and talked on the phone, it was so good to hear her voice.  She’s living outside of Chicago and has 3 kids ages 5, 4, and 2.  Here I’m gonna be a grandma and she’s just starting her life as a mother.  Crazy.  Anyway, she was telling me that they are having a girls weekend here in MO at Big Lake.  I haven’t been there since I was 16.  It’s 40 north of St. Joe.  She was telling me that I need to come out there this weekend.  I would love to, but I don’t know if I will be able to.  Maybe next year for the girls weekend.  She said they do this every July.  It would be a great time for me to share with her and her sisters about my life and how Jesus has changed me.  Wouldn’t that be awesome.  But I’m getting the feeling that I shouldn’t go this year.  Fleshly, I would love to go, but I feel in my heart that I shouldn’t, that it’s just not the right time.

OK, so then last night I get a call from my son telling me that his best friend’s step mom’s place of employment is looking for a new receptionist, which is a Drs. office.  Melissa, Justin’s step mom, asked me to email her my resume.  I did.  Not only did I email my resume, I sent a cover letter and references.  I guess they were noticing that I worked for a Cardiologist at one point and she said to Brian that, that is my shoe in, well and along with all my other experience.  But they liked the fact that I worked in a Drs. office before.  So pray that I at least get an interview and everything goes well.

Gotta run, have stuff to do.

Encouraging Word

Keep your servant from deliberate sins! Don’t let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin.

~ Psalm 19:13, NLT

Siblings…How do you deal with them?  I have one sister that is my half sister from my biological mother.  I feel as though she is really pissed at me.  Then I have my brother who I grew up with, we’re not close, but I’ve always wanted to be.  How can I change these relationships?  I’ve tried.  I think my sister’s pissed at me cause we basically kicked her out and told her she needed to find a place of her own.  I think if we didn’t she was planning on bringing her 3 boys up here and going to have them live in my small 2 bedroom apartment with us also.  I don’t think that would have been good at all. 

Anyway, let me give you a run down on what’s going on.  She moved up here from Louisiana to do her clinic’s at one of our local colleges.  I let her stay with me under the impression that she was only going to be here for about 2 weeks and she was going to move into her own apartment.  Well, the apartment that she wanted fell through and she just didn’t look anymore and just planned on staying here.  I kept “encouraging” her to keep looking.  Everything she saw was too small.  But for her price range, she wasn’t going to get any better.  So now she is paying almost double and living in a ritzy area and I don’t know how she’s going to pay the rent, but I can’t worry about that.  But we haven’t talked since she left my place so I have a feeling that she is pissed at me.  And that’s fine.  She’ll see that what we did was for her own good, but I hope she sees that what she did in the apartment area was stupid too.

Encouraging Word

Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.

~ Romans 12:12, NLT

Brian and I had a very nice day together.  We didn’t actually leave the house till 2 pm, but we went out to his moms and visited her for a while, had a very nice meal together, and are just staying in the coolness relaxing now.  It is hot as all get out today.  Sheesh!!!   It’s just blazin’ out there.

Gettin ready to do my treatment.  Brian will give that to me in my left arm tonight and we’ll see how I cope with things tomorrow.  My body has been doing pretty well with it lately, but you just never know how things are going to be.

I’m excited for my son.  He’s moving into an apartment with one of his friends next Wednesday.  I’m hoping I’ll be able to help him out with “decorating” in other words, just arrange things in a way that make sense.  Knowing him, he might ask me, who knows.  Anyway, they move in on the 1st and I know that he’s really excited about it.  I’m just proud of him.

That’s all for now, talk to you all later.

Encouraging Word

Praise the Lord with melodies on the lyre; make music for him on the ten-stringed harp. Sing a new song of praise to him; play skillfully on the harp, and sing with joy.

~ Psalm 33:2-3, NLT